100% honest

honesty. it’s something we all value. but how often are we honest with ourselves? i’ve been in a personal battle for weeks. months. perhaps even years. and now that i’m finally taking some steps to deal with the situation, i feel it’s time for me to be transparently honest with all of my faithful friends. for a long, long time now, i’ve been riding the wave of my Christian education – elementary school, junior high, high school, college and even some graduate work. my on-going, daily and personal relationship with my Savior has been non-existant. and lately, i’ve been so bitter, frustrated, angry, tired, worn out and just plain “empty” that i knew i was at the end of my rope. it was time to take action. see, i’ve known for months now that i needed to get back in the Word. to spend time in prayer. to take action. but i continued to be lazy, self-defeating and prideful. i wanted it to be easy. but at no point in history did God ever tell us it would be easy to follow Him. as a mother of three, i admit that it’s even more difficult to MAKE time to spend in His Word. (we all already know about my pet peeve regarding “having” or “finding” time to do things – in short, i believe we make time for what is important to us, whether it be eating, sleeping, playing, shopping, etc., but i digress….). many, MANY thanks to a very dear friend who recently shared her concern with me… she was making sure i wasn’t trying to fill my cup with only my husband, my kids and my friends. she wanted to make sure i was actively pursuing God to allow Him to fill my cup. it was exactly what i needed to hear from someone other than myself. to know that my friends see a (not so great) difference in me. it was beyond time for action.

so today, i picked up my Bible study book (the Bible study that i have dropped out of based on our too-busy weekly schedule) and wouldn’t you know it, but right there in the second chapter, God encouraged me; taught me; reprimanded me; loved me. and He reminded me that He WANTS to spend time with me.

so today i wanted to be honest with all of you. to tell you that for the past few months (years?) i have failed my Father. my husband. my kids. my family & friends. and myself. and that ends today. today i resume my walk. i get up from the bench or the rock where i took a long, LONG break and i resume my journey. i miss my Friend. the One i can always count on. the One who knows me inside and out. the only One who can fill my cup so i can, in turn, love others. and today we have been reunited.

so friends, when you think of me, feel free to pray for me. when you see me, feel free to ask me what i’m learning. to ask me what God is teaching me.

3 thoughts on “100% honest

  1. Oh sweet friend, your honesty is wonderful. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to write. It’s still not going to be easy to make that time, but I’m so proud of you for being honest and taking this step and being open about it. You will be blessed for having done so. Your friend who challenged you is a good friend and I’m thankful you have her in your life. Don’t think you’re the only one to be walking through a dry river bed for long periods of time, either. For me, it is a continual battle. But during the times I am humbly pursuing God, I am blessed by His loving mercy for doing so. Satan loves to use apathy to get us Christians to stop pursuing God. So I pray that you will not fall into that again and that God will grow your desire for Him.

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