filled up

monday: august 20th

oh boy, did we have a (bad) adventure this weekend! sat night/sun morning was AWFUL. davey wouldn’t stop crying unless he was sleeping (he even cried while he ate) but he didn’t want to sleep very much. dave and i got about 3 hours sleep (each) that night. we were totally wrecked yesterday… and the fussiness continued. i finally called grandma and she came over for about 4 hours (i got a much-needed 3-hour nap). there was nothing we could do to placate our little boy. nothing. and that was so frustrating. dave was even up for a few hours helping with little davey. it was by far our roughest night yet.

last night was better. not great, but better. and now we’re trying a new feeding system. having him drink pumped milk (or sometimes formula) from a bottle. no more actual nursing (for now, at least) b/c it’s such a struggle to get him going. he wasn’t like this at the beginning, but he really fights it now. sometimes he’ll fight it for 10 minutes or more… holding a screaming child while dripping milk is not my idea of a good time EVER, let alone at 2 a.m.! he’s still fussy today, but at least his feedings aren’t taking an hour.

but despite his fussiness and my still sleep-deprived state, today is a much better day. bless her heart, anna called this morning at 8:58 a.m. to remind me about play group (which starts at 9-ish). i had been planning to attend today but had totally forgotten about it. i’m so glad she called. i immediately got up, pumped, brushed my teeth, put on some make-up (i’m so vain, i know, but since i wasn’t taking a shower i wanted to at least feel "normal" if not "clean") and then we got davey dressed and out the door we went. davey can’t play yet, but for me to have a few hours with other moms… my dear friends… i am home now and i feel calm. i feel encouraged. i feel stronger. i’m not alone in this adventure. i have LOTS of people in my life who love me. who love davey. and who love babies… even when they’re fussy. i’m so glad play group is WEEKLY (every monday)… i am totally going to have to make this a priority. it is a bit overwhelming to watch all these kids running around, but it’s a good overwhelming. it reminds me that davey will not always be in this fussy, cranky stage. granted, we’ll have other obstacles and barriers to overcome and deal with as he grows older, but it’s a reminder that "this too shall pass."

3 thoughts on “filled up

  1. I ended up going the pumping route with Alex and stopping nursing pretty early on-after a week or so, and it worked great for me. I did that for 4 months and I felt it got Alex the nourishment I wanted her to have but it gave me a bit of freedom and some sanity as well. Different things work for different moms (and babies) so go with whatever works best for you and Davey! Your stories of those early nights sure bring back memories! I know it was a good year before I was ready to even think about going through all that again! Journal it all as much as you can because it’s crazy how much of it you will forget. I wouldn’t say it gets “easier” because you face plenty of new challenges as they learn to walk and develop their sense of independence, then learn the meaning of the word NO, but as they grow to look at you and smile and give you hugs and kisses, all those rough moments are washed away completely (until the next one comes along :)

  2. I’m praying for you! The first few months are SO hard. I felt like I was well prepped (sp?) for how hard labor would be, but was completely blindsided on how hard it was afterwards. I also think it’s a little harder when your baby comes earlier. So like everyone else i want you to know that what you are feeling is normal, you are not the only one & we have all been there! Praise God for the play group! What a wonderful gift & blessing! I’m hoping that i’ll be able to join you all on one of those mornings when i’m back. See you soon!

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